So. Whenever I say I'm not going to write much, I end up doing it all the time. Compulsion, I guess. Somehow, spilling your secrets to the world becomes addictive.
A few weeks ago, trent started taking paxil to deal with some personal issues he has. I was completely supportive of that decision, because I like him to be happy. Well. One of the many side effects of paxil is sexual dysfunction. This means that when you try to have sex, one of several things happens.
You don't even feel like having it to begin with. Or you do want to, but you can't stay hard enough to have it for very long. Or, you want to have it, and you're hard, but no matter what you do, you just can't cum. And the problems are all related. If you know you're probably not going to be able to cum, you're not going to stay hard, and if you know you're not going to be able to stay hard, you probably don't really want to have sex. It's a vicious cycle indeed.
Imagine how frustrating that was for both of us. He's decided that it's not worth it, both because of the above problems and because there are other unpleasant side effects. Since then, he's been taking only half a pill, and now he's not at all.
So this is good. Today we had sex and he came for the first time in like nine days. Which was good. Very good. Seriously, you have no idea how relieved we both were. I know it's not that he doesn't find me attractive, and that it's just the medication, but still, some part of me still feels a little rejected when things don't go well. I think it's just human nature--even though there's a rational explanation, we ignore it and think what we want to think. Also, I tend to feel guilty if we have sex and I cum and he doesn't.
Isn't it usually reversed?
But anyway, I hope that's all over. Though, really, my own libido has wilted a little lately. I'm not sure why--maybe it has to do with hormonal cycles or something.