Hah! After I actually *gasp* updated a little while ago, I looked and saw that not only did I write a whopping one time in all of february, but I also missed my one year dland anniversary. Sad, that.
So I'm back already again. I guess it's mainly because it's 9 a.m. on a Tuesday and I don't have much going on today. Yesterday I had a final paper due and a final exam. Tomorrow there's another final exam and a job interview. Plus, since I was really very icky sick lately, I'm way behind on everything, and the stress is really starting to bother me.
Procrastination is a stress curer.
Also, in completely unrelated news, it's been almost a year since I've smoked pot. Wow.
It's also been over seven months since I've had sex.
I'm starting to feel like I'll never have it again. And it's really my own fault. I mean, I've had offers. And I like to say that the reason I haven't taken anyone up on their offer is because I'm committed to behaving and being faithful, but I'm really not sure that's the case.
Truthfully, it's a self-confidence thing. I gained some weight in the last year and now I don't want people to see me naked.
Is that retarded? That I don't want to have sex because I don't want the other person to see my body? Probably. But that's the way it is. And I think that if I could conquer that whole thing just once and actually have sex again, then I'd start to feel more attractive.
Because, really, if someone will fuck you, you must not be completely repulsive, right?
I think that getting over that thing even once is going to be pretty hard. That's the nice thing about having been in a relationship forever--I'm really not self-conscious around trent at all. He knows what every inch of my body looks like, all the little scars and odd lumps and stuff. And he accepts it.
Someone else might not accept it so easily. And I just don't think I could deal with that very well right now.
p.s. If someone could recommend a reliable free email provider that is not hotmail, lycos, excite, or yahoo, I'd be much obliged.