So I was thinking earlier, and my mind became totally entranced by one central question.
What the FUCK am I going to do this summer?
School gets out in the middle of june and I won't be graduating, even though I've been here for four years. I guess I'm one of those students, which is incredibly weird to me. In high school, I was one of the "it" kids, the ones everyone was sure was going somewhere. I was third in my class, had a ridiculously high sat score, and was involved in tons of extra-curricular activities. Since then, I've totally slacked.
Anyway. School gets out in two months. Since I haven't worked in almost a year, I don't have the money to stay in the city for the summer. That leaves two options: living with trent, or staying with my mom.
Here's the deal with trent: We talked about things and decided to work on our relationship. I really very much think that it would be good to see each other again since it's been so freakishly long since we've seen one another. However, I'm not sure that being there for the entire summer is such a good idea.
Last year, I felt bad the whole time because I wasn't working and he was supporting me. But really, he lives in a rinky-dink small town and works in the large city an hour away. Since we'd be sharing a car, I'd either have to find a job within walking distance or else be lucky enough to find one in the city with the same hours as his. Anyway, he's said that if I go there for the summer, I really need to work, and I totally agree but don't think it'll be that easy.
If anything, though, a big supermarket apparently opened up across the street, so I could go work there, I guess. Except I can't bag groceries worth half a damn.
The other issue with staying with trent is that neither of us can really afford the actual "me getting there" part. I, in the spirit of making sacrifices, even looked up the prices on the greyhound website (luckily for me, it was even more expensive than flying). So I don't really know what's going to happen there.
Also, I'm worried that we'd fight the entire time.
But here's the deal with living with my mom:
My sister lives with her. We get along fine when we only see each other for a weekend once a month, but put us in a living situation together and we start acting like twelve year olds again. In fact, I lived with her for a few months a while back, and the only thing that kept us from killing each other was probably the fact that I was only ever home between 11pm and 6am on the weekdays and she generally spent the night at her boyfriend's.
My sister is also really good friends with my annoying cousin, who will hang around me all summer if I go there. I can handle either of them when they're apart, but when all three of us are together, they gang up and pick on me. I hate it, as you might expect.
My mom will also be expecting me to get a job for the summer. She lives in a rinky-dink small town, too. My sister works at a video store and my cousin works at a sock store. I could go work in retail funland with them, too, I suppose, but considering that my cousin's the only one with a car (she carts my sister all around) and the mall is about twenty minutes away, I'm not sure all three of us could make schedules gel.
Plus, who wants to live with their mom? I think I'm a bit old for that, myself.
Basically, when it comes down to it, I'd really much rather go stay with trent, but I'm not even sure he wants me to. I mean, he offered and everything, but that doesn't mean he wants it.
Last year, he told me in like november that he hadn't wanted me to go there for the summer and that he'd sort of resented my prescence the whole time. I really don't want that all over again.
Grr. I know this isn't exactly a huge decision compared to other people's lives, but it bothers me to not have a clue where I'm going to be living in two months.